Beautiful, precious and complicated…
Just after me and my girlfriend broke up last Christmas, I have come to some resolutions that I thought would help me getting over my two-year relationship and making of them a good experience for the future. That is at least what my closest friends said.
To do so, I started thinking of all what made my relationship not working and how these mistakes could be avoided in the future. I jumped off to the past and drew up a list of how my next girlfriend should be. Let us share my thoughts:
1) My next girlfriend should be at least at university level. Why? Simply because my ex has never understood why I was, sometimes, too busy to be with her, to be romantic or even to call her. Even though my love was pure; I think she was kind of “stupid”. I could never speak about my studies, my internships or projects while she could bother me during hours about how fun it was to trick the teacher today…
2) My ideal should not be so sensitive… and I can see all of you staring at me and shouting:”What the hell is wrong with you man?!” I believe that once you passed your first love’s months and romantic dinners with your lover, feelings should not be suspected every two minutes: “do you still love me?”, “Oh my dear, I don’t know how I feel about you anymore, I think we should take a break…”, “I could not live without you… Sorry for taking that break, it was an enormous mistake” (so why did you ask for another break a few months later?!), “You know what? I think I should give you sometime alone because the way you are acting with me let me think I am bothering you”… Another break… And it goes on and on!
3) This very perfect girl should have the same view about love as me: I mean by that that once you think you have found your soul mate, confidence between the two lovers must reign and the relationship should be seen as a source of stability where no one is afraid of commitment. I don’t like short relationships and I feel uncomfortable with people who claim to love me but consider love as a daily adventure: no plans for the future and they could easily break it off with you if they found a person that they like better than you.
4) The girl of my dreams is Muslim and being Moroccan would make it better: for no other reason than sharing the most important beliefs, habits and culture
All of this was perfect till the moment I decided to write an article about it. I am criticizing the girl with whom I shared some of the best moments of my life and supported me every time I was breaking down. A few months ago, I was ready to live with her and even to change my career plans just to avoid anything that could make us far from each other. Actually, she is the sweetest person that I know. And despite of our different ways of thinking, she made enormous efforts to make it work. And how aggressively I could criticize her, I know in my heart of hearts that I prefer by far to have her as a friend than to not have her in my life at all …
Another thing: planning the future is as absurd as regretting the past. Moreover, who ever predicted that he would fall in love… and with the person that matches his predefined criteria?! The whole list that I made is completely stupid and useless. It would make a person blind to many possibilities to find love with other people and would make him feel forced to chat up every single woman about whom he has been fantasizing a few hours ago in his room…
Let us took the reflection a little bit further: who said that life could only be lived in couples? Why do we think that we should either be in a relationship or in the waiting-for-love room? I mean I did really well during periods when I was single and it was also the case recently. I feel free from responsibilities; can easily concentrate in my studies, make plans about my career without any feelings of being tied down, date whoever I want, spend more time with my friends, enjoy my free time the way I want, et cetera.
That leads us to the present state of my mind and the result of five-month reflection:”Being single ROCKS!!” And as Barney Stinson would say: we gonna make this period LEGEN…wait for it…DARY!!!
The Ghost (thanks to Jwana for her help)
3 juin 2008 à 16:58
ooooh! le fantome a des sentiments
tres bon article youness, j’ai bcp aimé quoique je ne suis pas d’accord pour la conclusion.
faut pas mettre des criteres pour le conjoint, d’accord à 100%; mais la question des plans…… je suis pas de ton avis, je dis qu’il faut planifier, avoir des projets mais sans être trop altruiste au point de laisser tomber une belle opportunité qui propulserait sa carriére par exemple, car on finit par avoir le sentiment que l’autre nous doit quelque chose en contrepartie… je sais pas si je me suis fait comprendre mais je n’ai jamais été bon en expression des sentiments
l’autre remarque c’est qu’on ne doit pas faire des plans lorsqu’on est en regime transitoire (l’ecole), il faut atendre le regime permanent (le travail), c’est là seulement qu’on “maitrise” tous les parametres et on voit plus clair et plus loin. c’est pour ça que les relations entre camarades d’ecoles survivent rarement au changement de l’apres école, vous aurez sûrement des exemples ds votre entourage.
j’ai eu du mal a exprimer ceci en français, imaginez en anglais, wa3333333.
(thanks to Jwana for her help)
3 juin 2008 à 19:36
thx a lot youness for that great article…..
I don’t know really where to start…there’re too many things to say about love and matter of love and I guess you all know that better than I.
Let’s get back to the first conculsion : shaping a model of your soulmate. Completely right,and you’ve better expressed that in the fact that doing it makes people miss a lot of opportunities in terms of experiences.
well, what made me really think is your second resolution : leading a single life and hold back your feelings. I would tell that is a good resolution if you succeed in it. honestly, let me tell when you’re through your studies and just at the start of your carrier, i would be totaly with you choosing such way. Why ? it’s merly because getting through a relationship is very demanding in terms of affective envolvement and engagement, it’s kinda consuming while this energy should be invested in your studies or your starting plans. now, as everything’s relative, it depends on people and their ability to settle those things right and succeed in the rightest arrangement.
Actually, as emotions aren quite unpredictible, you could never tell. you could fix yourself on not loving and fighting against what you fell, most of the time you lose grip and find yourself searching such emotions. It’s just human, chemistry is playing a great role on that….anyway, sometimes when you love you’re in a state like : ‘i couldn’t help it. it’s stronger than me!’. it’s to tell that the matter is not about being single is better than being in couple or the opposite. it’s all about living your life like it is, as the circumstances allow. Live your love, live your life, enduring, suffering, enjoying, laughing are all part of life. so whenever we keep on thinking of how we should live our life, it’s at that time that we miss a lot, it doesn’t matter if it works or not, if we’re hurt or not. fear is also a part of us, it’s quite instructive.
well i guess that I’ve rattled on about a lot as usualy and i’m quite sorry, yet there’re too much to say and all those words are far beyond speaking my mind, anyway i did my best i guess…
thx youness again and hope that you’lle find your real reason
good luck to all !
3 juin 2008 à 20:03
Trés bon article youness
!
Sinon ” My next girlfriend should be at least at university level.”
kenti dayr detournement de mineur ?
3 juin 2008 à 22:58
Karim, t’as déjà vu un BEP aide aux personnes (pour ne pas dire BEP ménage!) faire des études supérieures?!!!